"Like a boss." You see it on mugs, T-shirts and Instagram captions. It's meant as a compliment.
Not in my world.
To me, being a boss is about control. It's "my way or no way". It's squeezing square pegs into badly designed round holes and then blaming the pegs.
I do understand the appeal. I get the urge to control everything. I know why so many people dream of being in charge. I know because I was one of them. I thought it would be great to have everybody jump the moment I asked.
In reality, being a boss sucks. For you and for everyone around you.
What B.O.S.S. stands for
I once broke the word down like this. Bully. Overpower. Scare. Shame.
Fear is one of a boss's favourite tools. They create scarcity, worry and people who can't make a move without checking first. It gets things done in the short term. It also drives out anyone good enough to leave.
A boss is a lot like the bully in the playground. They want power over other people. A leader works to give other people power of their own.
A boss wants you to learn to do things their way, because their way is the only way. A leader is open-minded enough to let people find better ways, even when it isn't the way they'd have done it.
A boss puts pegs in holes. A leader takes the time to understand each peg and helps it find the hole where it fits best.
Why this one is personal
I've been on the receiving end of boss culture and bully culture. At school, and later at work.
There were times it almost broke me. It made me scared to show up. It made me hide who I was and what I could really do, because keeping my head down felt safer than being noticed.
Plenty of people have had it worse. But I know how it feels to walk in somewhere with your stomach in knots because of how you're being treated. And weirdly, I'm grateful for it now. It taught me how I never want to treat anyone. It gave me a mission.
That mission is to redefine CEO as Constantly Empowering Others. Because that's what the best leaders I've met actually do. They spend their time making other people more capable, more confident and less dependent on them.
Leaders build futures
A leader inspires and sets the example. They take responsibility instead of handing out blame. They notice good work and say so. They want what's best for the people around them, even when it doesn't fit their own agenda that week.
Boss culture is exhausting for the boss too. If everything has to go through you, you become the bottleneck. You can't take a holiday without your phone. The business can only grow as far as you can stretch. Giving people real responsibility is kinder. It's also how you get your own time back.
Bosses destroy dreams. Leaders create futures.
If you're running a team, it's worth being honest about which one you are on a bad day, because that's the one your people remember. I talked about it on the podcast too, in Episode 090: Like A BOSS??.
