I'm on the WatkinSofa in Grantham and Chris Watkin has just introduced me as an estate and letting agency performance coach and "all-round decent bloke". Then he brings up something I said to him before the cameras went on. Stop trying to be like the boss.
"What did you mean by that phrase?"
"Do you know what I hear when I hear boss?" I ask him.
"Go on."
"I hear bossy, as in I hear bully, as in I hear control."
That was September 2022.
What I hear when I hear boss
I told Chris I'd been seeing it all over social media. Do this like a boss, be like a boss, boss it. Boss babe, boss this, boss that. A whole boss lifestyle.
And when I hear that word I hear shaming people. I don't hear listening. I don't hear empathy. Those are the things I think make someone a good leader.
Chris put it down to the difference between a manager and a leader. To a large extent I agreed. When people talk about being the boss, I reckon they should pause and go, "No, no, no. Be the leader."
Aim to make yourself redundant
Here's how I see leadership. "Your job as a leader is to make yourself redundant." You make people self-reliant enough that they don't need you.
That's scary for a lot of people, especially if they started the business. They can't picture it running without them. But a business is "operating its best when you don't need to be there."
So I'd rather look at someone and ask what they're really good at, and how I can play to that. The old-fashioned view says work on your weaknesses. I said to Chris, if we've got weaknesses, let's find someone else who's good at those things and get them in that role.
"Being a boss to me is micromanagement." It's wanting to see every single detail of every single thing you do, and then probably telling you you're doing it wrong.
I see it a lot when someone gets promoted to run the job they used to do. They try to control every detail because that's how they did it. Well, maybe there's a better way. "Maybe someone else actually knows how to do the job better than you."
They say the best leaders hire people who are better than them. It's intimidating, I know. I used football as a quick picture. "Look at some of the best manager coaches of football teams. They weren't the best players." Plenty of the stars struggled as managers. The average players often made phenomenal leaders, because it wasn't about ego. A leader says we won, and if it goes wrong, takes it on the chin.
Would you say it to a five-year-old?
Chris asked how people learn this. One question I ask a lot is whether you'd say that to your five-year-old self. Every one of us was five once, and that inner child is still in there somewhere. "If you wouldn't say it to a kid, don't say it to an adult." (It's the same idea behind Would you talk to a friend like that?)
On stage I'll often ask a cheeky question. "Raise your hand if you've got kids or you've ever been one." Every hand goes up. Then I ask if they've ever watched a child learning to walk.
They pull themselves up on a piece of furniture or someone's leg. One step. Then what? Chris got there before me. "Fall down." They get back up, take a step or two, and fall again. And we encourage them every single time they pull themselves up.
So I asked him what we do to adults. He said we criticise them when they fall down.
"We do if we're acting like a boss."
Nobody yells at a toddler for falling over. Nobody says "Maybe you should stick to crawling. You were good at that." But we smack adults down all the time. Take the email that goes out with three spelling mistakes. You could tear into whoever sent it. Or you could say "I know there's three spelling mistakes, but look at the click-through rate on that thing. Well done." Then ask them to spell check it next time. Same problem, very different way of dealing with it.
Near the end I said if I could leave one thing in people's minds, it'd be this, and it goes for customers as much as your team. Make people feel understood and you'll get the best out of them. A boss says "You better understand me." A leader says "I want to understand you."
Chris summed it up as you work for them, they don't work for you. Exactly that. "Your job is to make their life easier. Your job is to make their job easier." And if they don't enjoy being there, you'll never get the best out of them anyway.
Watch the full chat
Catch them getting back up
Next time someone on your team trips up, hold off for a minute before you say anything. Ask yourself if you'd say it to a five-year-old. Then find the bit they got right, say that first, and save the spell check for the end.
First published September 2022 on Christopher Watkin's Letting Agent Podcast.
