I've got a notebook open on my knee. It's the last week of December 2016, and I'm going back through the year a month at a time, writing down what it taught me.
The list is longer than I expected. Sixteen things, and then a seventeenth sneaks in at the end. (I never was very good at sticking to a brief.)
A lot of it came from books. Every day this month I've recorded a short video for my email list, each one sparked by something I read this year. But the lessons that stuck hardest came the painful way.
Two months on crutches
Earlier in the year I tore all the ligaments in my right ankle. That meant almost two months on crutches, not allowed to put any weight on it at all.
I'll be honest. I was a control freak. I wanted situations to go my way, and people too, and when they didn't I felt like I'd failed. Then suddenly there were simple, everyday things I couldn't do for myself.
So I had to accept it. Slow down and stop fighting it. The funny thing is that the less I tried to control, the more in control I felt.
I also had to ask for help, which I was terrible at. Friends and family were happy to help. So were people I hardly knew, and a few complete strangers went out of their way for me. Some of those moments turned into new friendships.
The rest of the list
Plenty of it was simple stuff I already knew and wasn't doing. Intentions are worth nothing until you act on them. And the only person you can change is you.
That second one came from a coaching session. A woman told me her husband had changed, and she wished he was more like he'd been at the start. I asked if she was still showing up for him the way she had at the start. She tried it, and he started paying her more attention too.
Some lessons were about saying yes to myself. Stop waiting for someone else to tell you you're good enough. I recorded a video on that one this month, and it's here as Stop waiting to get picked.
Others were about saying no. Once you've decided not to do something, let it go properly and stop spending attention on it. There's more on that in The power of no.
And the important things only happen when they're in the diary. Treat that time as if it's booked by your best client, because it is. (Put yourself in the diary is all about that one.)
The one I use most is the shortest. Does it really matter? Will you even remember this argument next year? If it matters and you can do something about it, do it. If you can't, go back to the top of the list and accept it.
The sofa taught me most
Reading the list back now, I'm surprised how little of it I'd change. I still forget half of it on a busy week. The control freak in me never left. He just got quieter.
What strikes me most is where the best lessons came from. Two months stuck on a sofa taught me more than the months when everything went to plan. It just didn't feel like a lesson at the time.
First published December 2016.
