The bath's run. There's a book on the side, open at the chapter I want to read, and I've set a timer for thirty minutes.
Downstairs there are emails waiting and a list of things that need doing. They'll still be there in half an hour. For the next thirty minutes, they can wait.
That timer took me a long time to learn. For years, time for me was whatever was left over once everyone and everything else had been sorted. Which, most days, was nothing.
Why it matters
When I'm content in myself, I show up better for everyone else. When I'm fed up and desperate for a bit of space, the cracks show however hard I try.
I'm sure you've done it too. Snapped at someone who had nothing to do with why you were frustrated. I know I have.
Back when I first wrote this, a poll found mums were getting about 17 minutes a day to themselves, down from 26 a few years before. Another said men were getting even less. I don't imagine phones have made those numbers any better.
The washing can wait
A lot of us don't take time for ourselves because we want everything else to be perfect first. Someone I was coaching once told me she had no time for herself because of the washing, the meals and the rest of the house.
I asked her whether it would really matter if some of it waited a day. It's a fair question for most of us. If you wait for the perfect moment, you'll never get it.
Make it an appointment
The things that fight for my attention mostly live in my calendar. So the answer for me is to put myself in there as well.
When I was running a lot, I didn't write go for a run. I wrote the actual session and the distance, and I set a reminder, the same as I would for a call with a client. Most of the time, if it's scheduled, it gets done.
The irony is that running was my meditation. I always came back clearer, and better company for everyone around me.
Then make it a habit
Some things I never need to schedule, because they've become rituals. Every night before I go to sleep, I write down what I'm grateful for that day. I wrote more about that habit in Gratitude is more than an attitude.
The trick is to tie the new habit to something you already do. First thing when you get up, before your shower, straight after the kids are in bed. Before long you won't need the reminder.
And for anything that needs proper focus, I use a timer. Twenty-five minutes with no email or social media, and no quick cup of tea halfway through. The same trick gets me that bath.
First published March 2015.
