From The RULES, a six-week course I made in early 2017. Week four was about excuses.
I'm being strapped to my instructor before we've even taken off, and my stomach is going. Then I'm sat by the open door of the plane. What if the chute doesn't open? There are so many unknowns.
Then I go. The first bit is so fast and it feels incredible. Then the chute opens and for a moment you drift back up, away from the ground, before you carry on down to land.
I've only done it once (the full story is in The day I jumped out of a plane). But I think it's a brilliant picture of change. There's a leap of faith to get started. You often get quick progress early on. Then you drift back a bit before you get where you're going. It's true of starting a business, a new habit, almost anything.
Why we make excuses
The fourth of the five rules is excuses. And this is the part most people don't realise. "Procrastination is a form of protection."
Life as it is might not be what you want, but it's predictable. You know what tomorrow looks like. Change means the unknown, and most of us find that scary, especially when we can't control it. Excuses keep us where we are. That's the protection.
"I can't jump today. It's raining, and I haven't brought any dry clothes to drive home in." Daft, isn't it? But write most excuses down and they look about that flimsy.
The four Ds
Distraction. We fill the day with other things so we never have to face the big one.
Delay. "I'll start tomorrow." Then tomorrow comes, and one more day won't hurt. Some of those days never arrive.
Denial. This one's personal. "I was in denial about where my health was. I was in denial about what some of my habits were doing to my life. I was in denial of my very existence because I didn't want to face it." It was easier to blame somebody else, or tell myself I couldn't, than look at it.
Diversion. "It's easier to find an excuse than it is to find a reason." If you can't find a strong enough reason to do the thing, you'll keep taking detours. And I don't believe we ever stand still. We're either moving forwards or slipping back.
"Qui s'excuse s'accuse." He who excuses himself accuses himself. (French proverb)
Keep your word to yourself
Don Miguel Ruiz's book The Four Agreements starts with "Be impeccable with your word." Most of us are good at keeping promises to other people. It's the ones we make to ourselves we let slide. Count how many you make to yourself in a day, and how many you keep.
The excuse audit
There's a line credited to the Roman writer Publilius Syrus. Every vice has its excuse ready.
So pick the habit you keep promising yourself you'll give up. Write down every excuse you've ever used for it. Then go through them one at a time and ask, is this true? If it isn't, put a line through it. You only get to keep the ones that are at least partly genuine. I suspect you won't have many left.
Make it a must
Here's what usually kills an excuse. Ask whether the thing really matters to you. Sign up for a half marathon and there'll be a point in training where you think, I can't do this. If you're truly committed to the finish, you find a way.
"If it's a must, you'll find a way. If it's not a must, you may still find some excuses."
And when the excuses start, change the question. "I don't have time" becomes "How could I find the time?" "I can't afford it" becomes "How could I find the money?" Ask how, and most excuses go quiet.
Try this
Tomorrow, write down every excuse you hear yourself make, out loud or in your head. In the evening, label each one distraction, delay, denial or diversion. Then pick the one that matters most and ask, how could I?
Then do the smallest possible version of it. The jump is the hardest bit. And if your bar is set so high that you can't start at all, have a read of Shift your standards (sometimes down).
