I'm walking down a street in Wolverhampton on a cold February day. Grey sky, buses going past, nothing special. Then something stops me.
On my right is a row of beautiful white houses with black iron railings by every front door. They look like the London street in a Disney film. I half expect Mary Poppins to come out of one of them.
On my left is a boarded-up building. Litter blown up against it. Graffiti all over the walls.
Same street. Same minute. Two completely different places.
Where you point the camera
Point a camera one way and you could sell that street as a lovely place to live. Turn round and point it the other way, and you've got a picture of somewhere you wouldn't want to hang about.
The street doesn't change. Only the direction you're facing.
The side I used to face
Our heads work the same way. Every day there's good stuff going on and stuff going wrong, often at the same time, and something decides which side gets our attention.
For years I lived with depression, and I faced the boarded-up side nearly all the time. Fear, worry, what might go wrong next. It didn't feel like a choice. It felt like the only view there was.
I'd never tell anyone with depression it's as easy as turning round. It isn't. But small habits helped me look the other way more often. Writing down what I'm grateful for every night was the big one, and I wrote about it in Gratitude is more than an attitude.
Today
Life still has its boarded-up bits. Mine too. The difference now is that I know there's another side of the street, and I know I'm allowed to look at it.
So on a bad day I try to remember the bad bit is real, and it's still only part of the street. A lot of that comes down to how I talk to myself about it, which is why Would you talk to a friend like that? is a post I keep coming back to.
Next time you catch yourself stuck on the boarded-up side of something, stop and name one thing on the other side of the street. Say it out loud if you can. The bad bit will still be there. You'll just be seeing more of the street.
First published February 2017.
