You send a message to someone you care about. An hour goes by. No reply. By teatime you've decided they're upset with you, you've worked out exactly what you said wrong, and you're halfway through typing an apology for something they may not even have noticed.
Then they ring. Their phone died at lunchtime. That's it.
Most of us have done some version of that. I know I have. We make up a story about what someone else is feeling, then react to the story.
The done beats perfect guy says wait
I know how this sounds coming from me. I'm the one who keeps saying done beats perfect, so you'd expect me to tell you to act, and act fast.
Most of the time I would. But speed isn't always about being first. Some situations get worse the harder you push on them. If you're not sure what's really going on, the best move can be to sit back, watch, and let it play out a bit.
That isn't the same as giving up. If there's something useful you can do, do it. Have the conversation or make the call. Do your part as well as you can. Then accept that the rest isn't yours to control, and stop trying to steer it.
A line I keep coming back to
A good friend and mentor said something to me years ago that I've never forgotten. "There's never been a day I didn't get through."
Some days were easier. Some were much harder. But there's never been one that beat him. When I'm sat worrying about something I can't change, I borrow his line, and it takes the heat out of it.
Still learning this one
I wrote the first version of this in June 2017, and I'd love to tell you I've mastered it since. I haven't. My first instinct is still to jump in and sort things. The difference is I'm quicker to ask myself one question. Is this mine to fix?
If it is, I get on with it. That's where doing the verb comes in. If it isn't, I try to leave it alone, which is often harder. (There's more on the stuff we can't control in The road to peace begins within.)
Next time you feel the urge to chase or fix something that isn't really in your hands, give it a day. Do your bit, then sit on your hands and see what happens. You might be surprised how much sorts itself out.
First published June 2017.
