One of the biggest things I've learned in recent years fits in two sentences.
The less I try to impress, the more impressive I become. The more I try to impress, the less impressive I am.
It took me a long time to work that out. Longer than I'd like to admit.
Proving myself
For a lot of my life I was trying to prove something. That I was good enough, clever enough, successful enough. And when I was busy proving myself, I often lost myself.
Performing. Pleasing. Pretending.
That's what it looked like. Saying what I thought people wanted to hear. Being a slightly louder, slightly shinier version of me, because I didn't think the normal one would do. Watching the room to see how I was going down, instead of paying attention to the people in it.
The trouble is, it's knackering. And it doesn't even work very well. People can usually tell when you're performing, even if they can't put their finger on why. Something feels a bit off. They're polite, but they don't quite trust it.
Dropping the act
When I dropped the act and showed up as me, things changed.
The connections got real. People trusted me more. And the work I did had more impact, because I wasn't spending half my energy managing how I came across.
All I'd done was stop hiding.
It's the same behind the decks. You can play to impress the other DJs, with the rare record nobody's heard of and the clever mix. Or you can watch the dancefloor and play for the people in front of you. One of those fills the floor. It's rarely the clever one.
Business works the same way. On stage, in a sales meeting, on a first call with a new client. The moment you stop trying to look impressive and start paying attention to the other person, you become a lot more interesting to them.
You are enough as you are
If you've ever felt that you had to be more to be accepted, this is your reminder. You're more than enough when you're just being you.
Think about the people you trust most. I'd bet very few of them are the most polished people you know. They're the ones who are the same person in a meeting as they are on the phone to you on a Sunday. You know where you stand with them, and that's worth far more than being impressed.
I know that can sound like a line off a poster. It took me years to believe it. But every time I've tested it, it's held up.
There's a reason it's hard. Showing up as yourself feels risky, because if people don't like the real you there's nothing to hide behind. Performing feels safer, but it only moves the risk somewhere you can't see it.
So what's one thing you've let go of that made you more like yourself?
