From Tune Into the True You, the free 31-day course I made in December 2015. These were the daily habits that ran right through it.
It's my 38th birthday and I'm running my first ever marathon, in Edinburgh. I've done the training. I'm used to half marathons, so I think this'll be fairly easy.
About fifteen miles in, my body decides it's done. I slow to a walk. I'm thinking about giving up.
Then somebody taps me on the shoulder. A guy running for the same charity as me. He points at my shirt, then at his, and says "Remember why you're doing this."
That's all I need. I get going again and I finish. (I wrote more about that first marathon in What marathon training taught me about big goals.)
Dealing with it
Steve Maraboli wrote in his book Life, the Truth, and Being Free that happiness is not the absence of problems, it's the ability to deal with them. Life's never going to be free of challenges, especially if you're pushing yourself and trying new things. But if you know you've got through hard things before, the next one gets easier. Think of a time you were sure you couldn't carry on, and did. It doesn't have to be running. It could be something at work or in a relationship.
Gratitude is something you do
"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." (John F. Kennedy, Thanksgiving Proclamation, 1963)
Lots of people talk about having an attitude of gratitude. I'm not sure the attitude is enough. Gratitude is a practice. If you want to feel grateful, you have to practise it. You want to get better at yoga, you do yoga. You want to get better at running, you go running. Feeling grateful works the same way.
Here's what I do. I keep a journal by the bed, and every night before I go to sleep I write down at least three things I'm grateful for from that day. There are always at least three. Some days it's harder. On a really tough day it might be that you got through it, or that you've got a bed to get into, because plenty of people don't. Some people do theirs in the morning, about the day before. Find what works for you. I like going to sleep grateful, because then you wake up grateful too. There's more on how I do it in Gratitude is more than an attitude.
Add some colour
Allen Klein compared your attitude to a box of crayons. Colour your picture grey and it'll always be bleak. Add some humour and some bright colours and it starts to lighten up.
I made one of those videos outside in November. It was cold. I could have stood there moaning about the cold, or looked at all the natural colours around me and thought how lucky I was to be there. Same place, same weather.
So take the things you keep putting off and ask how you could make them fun. If you want to move more, you don't have to become a runner or lift weights. Maybe you go dancing. Or you run with your favourite music in your headphones. As Mary Poppins sings, "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun." I think she was right.
Easy rules for happiness
Just as gratitude is a practice, so is happiness. You can choose to be happy, and you can choose the rules for what makes you happy.
A lot of people set impossible rules, like "to be loved, everybody has to love me." That's never going to happen. So write easy ones, things you control that don't depend on other people or on money. Every time I smile, I feel happy. Every time I sing, I feel happy. Wearing my favourite jumper counts. At my retreats I'd get people doing star jumps to change the mood in the room. Silly works. You want more happiness? Do more happy things.
And look at who you spend your time with, in person and online. Some people leave you feeling amazing. Others can take you from feeling great to feeling as bad as they do in one conversation, or tell you your big idea will never work. You don't have to cut people out of your life completely. But if the people you follow online keep bringing you down, you're allowed to unfollow them, and spend more time with people (and books) that make you feel you can do it.
Try this
Write your own rules for happiness. Make a list of small things that make you happy, things you can do every day that don't depend on anyone else or on money. Singing along to one song. A star jump. Then do at least one of them today, and add three things you're grateful for to your journal before bed.
Start with the silliest one on the list. Those tend to work best.
