First published 27 May 2019 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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Nigel gets asked a lot how his speaking business started. It goes back to when he was two, living in South London, and the man next door was his Sunday class teacher. Thirty-odd years later that same man, Brian, was running the Academy for Chief Executives. Nigel's dad told Brian he should meet his son, without being quite sure what either of them did. Brian let Nigel speak at one of his groups and the business snowballed from there.
Mine was a wedding too (not the one with Nigel's cousin, he checked twice). About 20 years ago I did a best man speech and a family member told me I should do that for a living. The little voice in my head said they'd laugh at me and I wasn't good enough. I couldn't see how it would ever be a career, so that was that. Nigel calls this the other one conversation, the one you have with yourself. His line is decide on the what and the how will show up.
Some of it goes back to school. I was always being told to sit down and shut up. Nigel thought his name was Stop It until he was 11. One of my reports said I had the ability to go to university but was more likely to go to prison. And there's a rebellious streak in me that came in handy later. I had to get to the point where I could stand up as myself, with no mask on, and stop caring so much about criticism.
Nigel's rule is don't take anything personally, and that includes praise. We both rate The Four Agreements, and Nigel adds a fifth one, TTTTF. Tell the total truth faster. Then there's his 211 versus 212. Water at 211 degrees is hot. One more degree and you get steam.
This podcast came out of one conversation. Nigel and I shared a stage, I said I was thinking of starting a podcast, and he said maybe we should do it together. And by the end he's gone full dolphin, telling everyone not to take screenshots of the episode while they're driving.
What I'd pass on
- Big decisions usually start with a conversation. Notice them when they happen.
- The chat in your own head counts. Mine talked me out of speaking after that best man speech.
- Don't take praise or criticism personally. You don't know what's going on for the person saying it.
- Make space in your diary to act on a good conversation, or it just drifts.
So when somebody tells you you've done a fantastic job, maybe they haven't heard any better yet.
Nigel Risner
I'm not standing up with a mask on pretending to be something. I'm standing up as myself.
Neil Martin
