What are you putting off because of what other people might think?
Most of us have something. A change we keep talking ourselves out of. A decision that makes perfect sense to us and would raise an eyebrow or two everywhere else.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote about this in his essay Self-Reliance in 1841. He tells his reader to say what they think now. And to say what they think tomorrow as well, even if it contradicts everything they said the day before. He knows the objection that’s coming. You’ll be misunderstood. His answer:
Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson, Self-Reliance, Essays: First Series (1841)
That’s quite a list to end up on. You don’t need to be Galileo for it to apply to you, though. For most of us the point is smaller. If you change, some people won’t get it, and that’s no reason to stop.
A smaller place and fewer hours
On an episode of my podcast with Nigel Risner, we got talking about the things you decide you must do, and what you give up to do them. I told him about Timber Hawkeye and his book Buddhist Boot Camp.
As I remember it, he decided he could live with a lot less stuff in a much smaller place. He’d work far fewer hours and enjoy his life more. Plenty of his friends and family couldn’t understand it. They asked how he could live like that, and how anyone could manage without a TV. He didn’t need any of it. Over time, the people who stuck by him saw how much happier he was.
What I said to Nigel that day still stands. “A lot of people won’t get it if you try and simplify your life.” Swap simplify for almost any change you like. A new career. A new way of working. Saying no to things you used to say yes to.
So does it matter if other people don’t understand you, as long as you understand yourself?
I don’t think it does. When I see what people hold back from because of the potential judgement, I can’t help wondering what they’re missing out on. How can you expect your life to be outstanding if you’re not prepared to stand out?
The people who ask
The people who really care about you will take the time to help you feel understood by them anyway. They’ll ask questions. They’ll be genuinely curious and want to know more, because they want to support you and be there for you.
The people who stay confused by your choices are a different story. So often, the reality is they’re not really your people. You don’t have to fall out with anyone over it. Just stop waiting for their approval before you move.
Being understood still matters. I’ve written about making other people feel understood by you, and the people worth keeping close will do exactly that for you.
