This is me. Ten years sober today. One day at a time.
I wasn't sure about posting this on LinkedIn. It isn't the usual business update. But I decided that maybe someone needs to read it today, so here it is.
Florida, December 2014
I'm at Tony Robbins' Date With Destiny in Florida. It's the event where the documentary I Am Not Your Guru was filmed.
From the outside, I look successful. Inside, I'm not in a good place. I've come to this event for a reason. I know something in my life has to change. What I'm not sure of is whether I'm denying what that something is, or whether I just haven't figured it out yet.
Early on, a man introduces himself to me. In a few honest words, he tells me where he's been and where he is now. It's a throwaway moment. I have no idea yet what those few words are going to mean.
A couple of days into the event, the penny drops. I'm scared of what I've realised, and I have no idea where to turn. So I go and find that man, and I ask him for help.
That's the moment everything starts to change.
What I didn't understand then
When I finally accepted that I needed to face my demons, I had no idea what I was starting. If I'm honest, I didn't really want to stop. I just wanted the consequences to go away.
What I didn't understand was that the thing I was doing was only a symptom. It was a coping mechanism. Underneath it was everything I hadn't learned to deal with.
One day at a time, I've learned to live with myself and my emotions. To deal with life as it happens, in the moment. The good times and the not so good times. The ups and the downs. Without reaching for anything to blur them.
There's a line I come back to. Every life leaves a legacy. Some lives are an example and some are a warning. I've been both.
Not alone
The biggest paradox of all of it is this. I had to do it for myself, but I couldn't do it alone.
So many of the things that have kept me going I'd never have worked out without the love and support of other people. People who'd been there before me. People who stood next to me when it was hard. People who still do. I'm grateful to every one of them.
That's part of why I'm posting this. I wouldn't be here without a stranger being honest with me at an event in Florida. Maybe this does the same for someone else.
If you're struggling right now, I see you. I hear you. I've been where you are. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. You never need to be alone with it. Talk to someone you trust, or speak to your GP. That first conversation is the hardest one, and it's the one that matters most.
Ten years on, I know two things. Nothing is impossible, even when it feels like it. And consistency wins. Just today, and then tomorrow, one day at a time.
