First published 26 February 2024 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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We'd been away longer than we should have been, and I said so right at the start. Nigel's answer was that proper friendship doesn't need you there every day of the week. Consistency matters in business, he said, but sometimes you end up on the M1 instead of the A1. And every coach telling you to do five Instagram posts isn't living in the real world.
Then he went after 'just go for your dreams'. If your dream is studying penguins in the Antarctic for six months, brilliant. But you've got partners and kids, and you could lose your family and your house chasing it. His line is live your passion and work for your pension.
That took me back to an old episode where we gave SMART goals a right bashing. I've changed my mind a bit since. I think the R works better as relevant than realistic. And the A makes sense, because you want a goal that stretches you without being so far off you think why bother. Nigel's brother once told him that if he really wanted to stretch himself abseiling, he should go without ropes. At 61, Nigel's passing on that one.
I brought in something from Done Beats Perfect about standards. We've all seen the people on stage shouting 'raise your standards'. I reckon it's more about shifting them, because sometimes yours are too damn high and that's the problem. Nigel's said no to loads this year, had more days off, and he reckons he's roughly where he was financially. He spoke for 42 minutes at one gig because that's all he wanted to do. He sent a client's champagne back to be auctioned for charity (he kept the chocolate).
We finished on being human over being professional. Nigel's grandkids and his dog wander into his calls and his clients are fine with it. Then he told me about Tim Perry, a trainer he met back in 1997 who was the one that gave him permission to be himself. Tim was billed as a superstar and walked in with a brown briefcase and leather patches on his elbows, like a geography teacher. Nigel genuinely thought Jack Canfield had wound them all up.
What I took from this one
- Life gets in the way sometimes. A gap doesn't undo a real friendship.
- Think relevant for the R in SMART. Stretch yourself, but not so far you give up before you start.
- Sometimes your standards are too high. Shift them rather than always raising them.
- Saying no to things that don't fit your family or your life is fine. Nigel did it and earned about the same.
- Let clients see you're human. The kids or the dog walking into a call won't hurt.
I actually think it's shift your standards. 'Cause sometimes your standard is actually too damn high, and that's your problem.
Neil Martin
Doing less can be much more fun than doing more.
Nigel Risner
