First published 31 October 2022 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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I'd been teasing this story since the last episode, and Nigel made it fairly clear it would be good if I actually told it. I'd made a change in the way I work, and only after I'd said yes did I realise why it felt so right. Nigel had a couple of guesses, like it being close to home and giving me a bit of stability. There was some truth in all of them. None of them was the reason.
It goes back to my dad. He was a docker in Southampton, like most of my family, and as a little kid I assumed I'd end up down the docks with him and my uncles. Then in the 80s he took voluntary redundancy and started his own business. He worked more and more hours to keep things going, and later built a bigger business than the first. When he died in 1998, at 50, that business was suddenly worth nothing. It didn't run without him.
I always knew what happened. I'd just never joined it up. Then I heard someone tell the story of watching their own family go under when they were a child and I went, oh crap, that's me. That's why I've spent all these years on stages and in rooms with business owners. The feeling was always there. I didn't know what was driving it.
Nigel told me about a client from about ten years ago who has to keep £1 million in the company bank account, because he watched his parents' house get repossessed when he was young. If a pay rise would take him under that line for the month, the answer's no. Even with a big month coming in right behind it. Nigel had also asked one of his clients the day before if he was in business or busyness.
We finished on control. Sometimes things have to go off balance for a while to get more balanced in the long run, and that means letting go of how you think it's all meant to look. I've said it to a lot of people over the years. The less I try to control things, the more in control I feel. Nigel said that was where we should stop, and we did.
The bits worth keeping
- Ask yourself if you're in business or just busy.
- Build something that would still be worth something if you weren't in it.
- Stuff that happened when you were a kid can still be making your business decisions. Nigel's client and his £1 million line.
- Sometimes it has to go off balance for a bit to get more balanced long term.
- Christmas is coming. The people round you want your presence more than your presents.
Are you in business or busyness?
Nigel Risner
The less I try to control things, the more in control I feel. It's a massive paradox, and unless you've experienced it, you probably don't understand it.
Neil Martin
