First published 11 April 2022 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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I started this one with a shout-out to Steven Brown, a regular listener and a friend of both of ours who lives almost round the corner from Nigel. I'd been on the phone to him the day before. I've been doing bits of what I do for 20 to 25 years and I know I'm good at it. I still doubt myself sometimes. Steven gave me a few nudges (have you done this lately, have you done that) and told me I didn't realise how many people Nigel and I reach with the podcast.
Nigel called him a real mensch. I had to ask what that meant. He told me it was a compliment and left it there. He also brought up the money Steven raised for Computers for Kids during Covid, and how much you get done when your attention is on other people.
From there I got onto how everything in life is connected. A few people can switch one part off like a light as they walk between rooms. Most of us can't, and a bad day at work is still festering when we get home. So if you're having a rough day, ring someone you know is going through something hard, and actually ask how they are.
I was at the Tony Robbins event that became the Netflix documentary I Am Not Your Guru. There's a woman in it, Dawn, also known as Sol, from Brazil. Her story is harrowing even in the cut-down version, and all she wanted was to help people still stuck where she used to be. Half the room saw their own problems differently after that.
My friend Nicholas Barely in the US says your mess is your message. I told him he'd missed a bit. You have to let your mess age before it becomes your message. By that I mean getting out the other side first, because while you're still in it you probably don't have the answers for anyone else yet.
Nigel agreed with 99% of it and then added a caveat. Someone's stuff can be big to them even if it's nothing next to Ukraine or Syria, and they shouldn't feel it doesn't count. I'm with him. Nobody can hand you perspective. You have to see it for yourself. Nigel compared it to a stone in your shoe, annoying until you do something about it.
What I'd pass on
- Having a bad day? Ring someone who's going through worse and ask how they're doing.
- Let your mess age before it becomes your message. Get out the other side first.
- What counts is how understood people feel by you.
- Don't belittle someone else's problems because yours look bigger.
You have to let your mess age for it to become your message.
Neil Martin
Well, you know what? For them right now, it's their stuff.
Nigel Risner
