First published 1 November 2021 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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I couldn't say my own name at the start of this one. Got the episode number right, then fell over "Neil Martin". Off to a flyer.
The plan was to pick up from last week, when Nigel told me about a beach exercise he's doing at a speaking event in the Seychelles. It reminded me of the retreats I've run in Turkey. I'd finish my morning run by the beach, take my trainers and headphones off and run straight off the end of a pontoon into the sea to cool down. Some of the guests saw me doing it and thought it looked cool. So we built an early morning activity around it, where people decided what they'd leave on the pontoon before they jumped. Being in a bubble like that makes it easy to commit to things. Going home is the hard part. And lockdown was a bubble too, so what did you say you'd keep doing once it ended?
Nigel told a story he hadn't shared for a very long time. A week-long personal development course called Summit, in Wales, with a macrobiotic diet, a timed mile run every morning and purposeful communication only (for Nigel, that's a proper stretch). On the first day they took away things you didn't need. For him it was his talcum powder, and he did not take it well.
The week ended with a silent fire walk. Twenty-three feet of coals, 24 paces, the trainer looking you in the eye until you were ready and then stepping aside. Nobody cheering. There was also a rule of no major decisions for 48 hours, because people come off these courses ready to jack in their job. Nigel later came up with Letters to My Future Self, which got posted back to people 21 days later.
My bit was about finding a smaller version of the thing that scares you. Get a plant, then maybe a pet, then maybe a person (I did say that wasn't advice). We ended on self-talk and supermarket queues, and the American woman in a UK supermarket who walked round for ten minutes looking for a letter Q. Nigel got the punchline before I did.
What stuck
- Anything you commit to in a bubble needs a plan for when normal life comes back.
- No big decisions for 48 hours after a course or event that's got you fired up.
- Find a smaller version of the scary thing and prove you can do that first.
- Listen to what you say under your breath in the queue. Softer words, softer feelings.
There's very often a lighter version of the thing we think we can't do right now that we can do to give us the confidence of the bigger thing.
Neil Martin
Well, I'm sorry to tell all the listeners, there is no magic pill.
Nigel Risner
