First published 25 October 2021 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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Nigel had just been on his first overseas business trip in ages, and he came home with one big complaint. Everyone else's complaints. We'd spent a year and a half moaning that we couldn't travel. Now we can, and people were moaning about the forms and the queue at passport control. His flight to Brussels took 41 minutes. Getting to the terminal took him nearly as long.
While he was talking, something clicked for me. Monday. Moan day. The alarm goes off, it's moan day morning, there's work and a pile of obligations, and you're living for next weekend. I know that's not where the word comes from. But a lot of people treat it that way.
And I wasn't innocent. I'd just had a weekend that didn't go to plan. I'd been in close contact with someone who tested positive, so I kept myself out of the way while I waited for a PCR test, even though I didn't have to. I was grumpy. I even started working out how I'd cancel the next ten days of my life (very calm of me). Eventually I got round to how lucky I was. The test was free, and I had an appointment within about an hour of looking.
Nigel's point is that you're allowed a moment. The problem is when it spills onto other people and you turn into a psychic vampire. He'd seen speakers online moaning about getting up early for a gig, after months of missing live work. Meanwhile he'd waited two and a half months to find out if he could do a retreat in the Seychelles, a red list country, running a forgiveness process with executives on a beach.
He reminded me of his seven minute rule for being angry. I admitted I don't always stick to it. His answer was to pick your own number, nine, twenty, thirty, and stick to that. Then he left us with a line about waking up to find only the things you were grateful for yesterday still in your life.
My notes from this one
- Try a full 24 hours with no moaning. Nigel reckons it's harder than it sounds.
- A grumpy moment is fine. It's when it leaks into your emails and calls that it costs you.
- The people closest to you see straight through "yeah, I'm all right".
- Put a time limit on a bad mood. Nigel's is seven minutes, but pick a number you'll actually keep.
- Think about what you missed in lockdown that you're now back to taking for granted.
But every single day you wake up with bad breath, at least you've got breath.
Nigel Risner
It's Monday, not moan day. And if you're listening to this on the day this episode comes out, guess what? It's Monday, not moan day.
Neil Martin
