First published 2 September 2019 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
Listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
Nigel came in with a line he'd heard the other day. "You rarely have regrets when you have the courage to fail." He told me about times on stage when he can't remember the next line of a poem and just says so. The whole room breathes out. They're relieved he's normal.
I'd been speaking at an event the weekend before. One of the women who delivered a big chunk of it had only ever spoken at that one event, twice. She was a rock star. A bit nervous in places, though none of us could tell. So in a break I told her every presentation is really three. There's the one you plan and the one you wish you'd given, but the audience only ever sees the one in the middle. If it worked, it was good enough.
Somewhere in there I came out with "enoughness" and then "habitize". Nigel reckons people will think I'm turning into him (he's the one who makes up words). My saying is that your rituals create your results. His is that it's easy to get motivated and hard to stay disciplined.
Since we recorded the health episode I've been getting out for a walk of at least 30 minutes most days. Nigel jumped in with 10,000 steps against 10,000 right steps, because his phone counts the 3am trips to the loo. I had a 45,000 step day at a music festival from dancing. People at office parties ask how I dance till the early hours without a drink. Because I haven't had one.
Then state of mind. Nigel's decided every room he walks into is the perfect room with the perfect audience, even the ones that clearly aren't. He'll bring his own energy and have fun even if they don't want to play. I tell people to keep a feel-good song on their phone and play it in the car before they walk in. A friend of mine speaking in San Diego couldn't get to her usual Eminem track, so she asked her security guard to walk her away from the stage and rapped the whole thing herself. He just stood there staring at her.
The short version
- Nobody else knows what you planned to say. They only get the talk you actually gave.
- If it worked, it was good enough. Note what to do better next time and leave it there.
- Count proper walks, not trips from the desk to the loo.
- Keep a song on your phone that puts you in a good place and play it before you walk in.
- Asking for help is fine, as long as you want to do the work yourself.
You rarely have regrets when you have the courage to fail.
Nigel Risner
There's the one you plan to give, the one you actually give, and the one you wish you gave. But everybody else only ever experiences the middle one.
Neil Martin
