First published 13 May 2019 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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I opened this one by pointing out we'd hit a quarter of a century. Episode 25. Nigel said it already felt like a lifetime and it was just hard work now. Then he admitted it was close to being one of his favourite things he does (I'll take that).
He said he picked me as a co-host because when we'd been on stage together he saw someone speaking from the heart. Plenty of speakers are out there with a message that isn't really theirs. The sales speaker who can't sell. The bloke with seven ways to a happy marriage who's on his ninth. So I told him about someone who'd asked me for social media advice a few years back. Professionally they bought and sold companies worth millions. On their personal Facebook was an ad for a used Volvo, about 1,800 quid. Nothing wrong with a cheap Volvo. It just didn't stack up.
That got us to what I call rigorous self-honesty, which took Nigel three goes to say. It means seeing things as they actually are, no better and no worse. For most of my life I lived somewhere between catastrophe and fantasy, and reality was in the middle the whole time. And if you're causing terror in your own home, I struggle to see how you're doing great things for the wider world.
Nigel moved one of his speaker boot camps out of a hotel and into his house. Sixteen people round the dining room, catered, and 14 of them said the same thing. At least they could see he'd actually done what he talks about.
I brought up a line from someone I'd spoken to in the US, your mess is your message, and a post I'd seen about a guy finally getting the keys to his dream car. Video, blog post, first drive, the lot. Then he gave the keys back to Hertz. Nigel thought I was going to tell the one about a tiny toy car photographed so it looks parked outside a mansion, which I'm half tempted to pinch for a post. We wrapped up on first do no harm, and his 'if you can be anything, be kind', which I promptly turned into a plug for subscribing.
What stuck
- Ask yourself if your message matches how you actually live. Would you buy from you?
- See things as they really are. Not the catastrophe, not the fantasy.
- Sort out the impact you make at home first. The wider world comes after.
- Share the mess as it happens, not just the highlight reel. The honest stories are the ones people respond to.
See, the advantage if you're authentic is you don't have to think about the lies. It's just your story.
Nigel Risner
If you really wanna help people with your message, share your mess as well.
Neil Martin
