First published 5 August 2019 on Your Best Year Starts Here with Nigel Risner.
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"Have an awesome day, and don't kill anyone." That's what I say to my daughter when I drop her at school, and it's how we ended the last episode. Nigel wanted to know what sort of school she goes to. (He assumed it wasn't a young offenders' institute, though he reckons Cheltenham has some rough people.)
I honestly don't know where it came from. It always makes her smile, and if her friends hear it they tell her her dad's a bit weird. I'm fine with that. There's so much pressure to fit in, and I quite like not doing it on purpose. Besides, if she gets through the day alive and hasn't killed anybody, it's been a good day. Nigel's verdict was that I have some dark sides.
From there we got onto parents. Nigel used to ask his daughter "Have I told you recently that you are..." and she'd have to add a word he hadn't already used. I talked about my dad being my first hero, and how for a long time I thought I had to become him. My mum taught me unconditional love, which I only really got once I had kids of my own. Nigel watched my face change while I said it. He doesn't miss much.
Then he took it into work. If you're the boss you end up a bit like a parent, and you spend more hours with your colleagues than with your family. He says he loves everyone he works with but doesn't always like them. He also asked how I'd tell my biggest client they'd left something behind, compared with the three-minute rant a kid gets for leaving their diary upstairs.
And he admitted he still writes on hotel walls, because that's when he gets attention. Kids learn fast that being naughty gets noticed and being good gets ignored. New starters in a business do the same thing. They copy whatever behaviour they see around them.
What stuck
- Write a letter to an old friend telling them everything about your business. Then compare it with how you talk to everyone else.
- Speak to your team the way you'd speak to your best client. Most of us save the rants for the people we love most.
- If people only get noticed when they mess up, expect more mess. Catch the good stuff.
- New people copy what they see. Whatever you're doing, they'll take it as normal.
If she's still alive and she hasn't killed anybody else, the day's been good.
Neil Martin
I love everyone I work with. I don't always like them.
Nigel Risner
